Story - A Cure Story from Don in CA
Many of you will remember Don from San Francisco. Well, here is
his success story, which he has given me permission to post on the
board. Happy reading! And thanks Don!!
This is a true account of one mans CURE--once final and forever!
from being pee-shy and paruretic. I was about 13 when a bully that
taunting me socked me in the arm while at a urinal in junior high
school--telling me to hurry up! That was it---the beginning of the
avoidance and anxiety that became my paruresis phobia. It bothered
throughout junior high and high school. Not being able to pee at
guess why? (possible-but non existent bullies), and only getting
by in high
school as a student government leader who could freely use the staff-one
person-bathrooms. At the prom I obsessed about not being able to
pee and it
ruined it for me. You know all the stories! I went through college
still obsessed about this phobia but managed it better as I aged.
a fraternity in college and always worried about peeing when we
went out to
bars and the like. I decided at this point in the phobia---in my
I HAD to be able to pee to live----or I would just end it all and
myself. I, KNOW as I look back on that time in my life AS A CURED
began to desensitize myself to using stalls freely without knowing
desensitizing jack! I just HAD to live! And I slowly began to be
pee free in stalls and with the door shut. If there was extra anxiety
the restroom air---like at a bar---or other macho oriented place
still have some trouble at times. More of a thought that I could
succeed. That would pass after a while in the stall IF I could stick
that long! I would freak at noises, smells, and all the classic
"cues" to the phobia. I stayed in this place---pee wise----from
22 to about
43 yeas old. I am now 44. IN ONE YEAR, ALMOST TO THE EXACT DATE
BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION DESENSITIZATION, I HAD CURED THE PEE-SHYNESS
100%---WITHOUT REGARD TO ANY ONE, THING, PLACE, URINAL TYPE, OR
OPENNESS, OR "SAFE" OR "UNSAFE" RESTROOM. AND
WITHOUT THE USE OF ANYTHING BUT MY OWN BODY AND MIND. Simply put,
I changed my thinking and I changed my life! I will explain later
on. But a GREAT thing happened when this phobia finally
was retired forever and I was a new man----I WAS A TOTALLY NEW MAN---IN
MANY, MANY WAYS! The phobia, was extinguished, opened a flood gate
ME's------I felt like a whole man for the first time in my life.
found the IPA website in May 2000, I was at first VERY afraid any
this hidden-secret phobia would make my phobia worse. It DID for
weeks as I obsessed about looking for a way to end it permanently.
I started to practice desensitization routines---with my newly found,
the IPA website, pee-buddy, I started to feel new power in my life.
80 pounds during this one year journey in addition to curing the
went back to the gym after a 10 year absence. I became an average
can go to bars and ballgames with his buddies---drink beer---and
my buds next to me at urinals, especially troughs which are my FAVORITE
The idea of peeing in a trough urinal with a buddy next to me was
to me one year ago that you might as well have told me that I was
the Moon on the next Space Shuttle! Impossible for you ----so you
think---absolutely NOT!!!! If I could do it so can you! BUT---you
honest with yourself, do your homework, and treat practice like
a part time
job for a year. Be honest with yourself that this IS a PHOBIA----period.
And ALL phobias are curable, period. KNOW this in your heart and
you begin to practice---then see the END IN MIND FROM THE GETGO.
right for you to be cured----using a stall freely or all the way
trough urinals like me--know what is right for YOU TO FEEL CURED.
once you are there---you'll know it in your heart and soul. I picked
ALL, SAME-----meaning---my end in mind was ANY urinal, or whatever
available---ALL situations, types of urinals, people present or
THE SAME TO MY BODY AND MIND. Simply put, CURE!---not thinking about
all---all situations are the same. I repeated these words as "CUES"
mind--over and over and over again thousands of times---but only
peeing. At home alone, in practice at urinals, with people present
not--etc. IT WORKED! NOW, I piss in any situation without regard
"conditions" of the situation. I have no safe or unsafe
program running in
my mind. I REPROGRAMMED my mind to accept the NEW program which
was how I
wanted the end to be in the beginning of practice in 2000. This
in stages of about 30 days each. Each stage brought a new challenge
to be as
bold as possible. First it was going into very scary urinal situations
challenging myself to SUCCEED--and I DID! Then, more risky behavior---like
pissing in a parking lot of a grocery store and not caring--AND
I DID! The
stories and situations go on and on for me---but the basic principals
the same for you---CHALLENGE YOURSELF TO SUCCEED AND SAY TO YOURSELF
GIVE A F__K WHAT ANYBODY THINKS IF I GO OR NOT---IM GONNA TRY ANYWAY.
is the cure folks. BELIEVE IN YOURSELF AND YOU WILL SUCCEED TOO!!!
I write this, I return from a summer YMCA camp gathering of 300
men for a 4
day conference. ALL MEN, cabins with 10 beds, all public restrooms.
would have sent me to high anxiety before the cure. NOW, I went
BEYOND-THE-BEYOND just to show off---to myself and others there
as a twisted
"kick" for my new ego. Pissing with a buddy both of us
using one urinal as
if was only one in the room. Pissing in front of over 100 guys in
line outside at a lunch Bar-B-Q against a tree. COMMON place fun
now-----I know LOVE to pee---as much as I possibly can. I MADE MYSELF
to pee by loving myself, forgiving the past, living in NOW, and
up until I felt in my heart and soul that I was CURED---PERMANENTLY!
there IS SO MUCH MORE TO SAY ABOUT THE ONE YEAR PROCESS THAT I
NOW LIST HALLMARK STEPS WITHIN THE YEAR PROCESS FOR YOUR CONSIDERATION.
---Found IPA website May 2000
---Started behavior modification desensitization practice (exposure
therapy) June 2000 with pee buddy found on IPA website
---Went to IPA workshop in June 2000 in Los Angeles. Learned I was
NOT a freak
---Practiced 3 times a week for 2-3 hours each session until January
when I went to "life practice"
---Life practice was going out into the world on my own and placing
myself in bold and scary peeing situations ALL THE TIME--weekends
with men only camping, YMCA gathering, etc. Boldly stepping up to
ANY urinal and trying.
---TOTALLY engulfed myself in books and website to understand my
paruresis and phobias--learned what to do about the phobia.
---Attended the PHOBESE Course in my home city for 10 weeks----repeated
class for another 10. Found that a phobia COULD BE CURED---ANY PHOBIA.
KNEW I could do it for sure now. (Note: This course CHANGED MY LIFE
FOREVER! and I HIGHLY recommend it to all---but ya GOTTA DO THE
HOMEWORK OR IT WONT WORK FOLKS!) see course at www.PHOBESE.COM
---Treated my clinical depression and anxiety with a competent PSYCHIATRIST--but
began way earlier than 2000---5 years earlier
---Found in therapy that I had obsessive-compulsive disorder as
Treated this as well and it worked wonders on the phobia as I would
obsess about failure peeing INSTEAD of KNOWING I would succeed as
a common bodily function---LIKE I DO NOW.
---Started taking seratonin based medications in 1995. Changed a
dozen times to finally arrive at a "cocktail" drug mixture
of Effexor (depression and anxiety), Remeron (OCD and phobia obsessing
and anxiety and to block sexual side effects of Effexor, not ejaculating
freely) Buspar (a common, older anti anxiety drug), and Wellbutrin
(a common leveling off of mood swings drug) in 2000.
---Saw my PSYCHIATRIST (not a therapist!) twice a month during the
one year (have been going for 6 years now----but NEVER even told
him about the pee shyness until May 2000!---I was THAT embarrassed!)
and freely discussed practice and its ups and downs.
---NEVER let the ups and down of practice detour me from TOTAL RECOVERY
TO CURE---like not understanding why I could pee in a place once
and not the next time----stayed at it until the site or circumstances
didn't matter any more.
---peed in front of as many people as possible----whenever possible----just
"waited it out" until I would start--KNOWING in my heart
I could do it! And there were PLENTY of times I did NOT PEE folks,
believe me, and I would feel sad but not let it detour me from my
ultimate goal of peeing freely anywhere-anytime-with anybody present.
"GOT IT" in my mind that this is the way normal people
urinate and it was OK DAMN IT! to feel this way---it is the way
we ALL FELT before we had a phobic incident surrounding peeing.
For some people the phobia is spiders---others its airplanes---for
us it is peeing. NOT WEIRD---simply a phobia worsened over time
through avoidance to situations where we could possibly fail. So
we did fail because we never would try. And our minds allowed this
to be because it was our heartfelt will-----to avoid and feel good----try
and feel like poo--poo. Our bodies developed the system to make
us feel good---avoid restrooms---and there was the phobia all wrapped
up and ready to strike at any time
---Learned I was a MILD paruretic (so my the time it took me to
cure this was short by possible comparison). YOU must start to practice
wherever you feel comfortable NOW. Wherever that is. And strive
for your end-in-mind at the getgo! It could take you months or years
to get there. But if you want it BAD----like I did-----It WILL come
in time. CURING this phobia became the focus of my life for one
whole year. NOW, I get 30+ years FREE of it forever---WELL WORTH
THE TIME EFFORT AND EXPENSE.
---Learned to use "cues" to pee. Words of association
---Used physical "cues" as milestones in recovery. Items,
like a small snow globe purchased the day I first used a trough
urinal to "remember the success" to capture the moment
---Learned to RELAX through self hypnosis tapes. Learned it well
by religiously listening to tapes 1 or 2 times a day for 4 months--extra
benefit is I can relax at will now in many other situations besides
---Learned to trust and re-connect with my higher power. My personal
belief in a universal God was MY lifeline to my cure. I trusted
and lived one day at a time-----just like AA, although I have never
been to any anonymous type meeting ever. I simply BELIEVED. In my
god, myself, and in my ABSOLUTE ABILITY to cure this disorder. IT
---Practiced-Practiced-Practiced. In 2 or 3 time a week sessions
of hours, at the IPA workshop, on my own, with friends, and in any
former "tough" situation that I could drum up. One time
on vacation I ate too much dinner. Went back to my hotel room and
drank the practice water to go and pee and threw up from it. I NEEDED
to use this practice time----the second that day---as there were
many busy hotels around me-----so I drank MORE WATER after heaving
and went and practiced anyway. I WAS DEDICATED to a cure. Period.
And you can be too!!!!!
---Started an IPA local support group and helped other while helping
---When I knew I was cured I let go of ALL the past, including my
support group and the IPA website, as this is the way to stay cured----not
to dwell in the past---to move on----and KNOW that it is "OVER".
The experts agree that when you are "done" you will want
to forget the phobia and move on. This is what I did and had to
do for ME.
So that is by basic story and the way I did it. Your story is
different---everyone's is. BUT, the same basic principals apply
TRY, BELIEVE IN YOURSELF, FORGIVE THE PAST, GET SOME HELP and you
ANYTHING YOU CHOOSE TO DO. PERIOD. Love to all reading this from
paruretic who understands where you are at AND THAT YOU MAY BE EMBARKING
A SCARY ADVENTURE and you are looking for answers. The answer lies
you. It has all along. Find it---whatever that is for you---and
succeed beyond your wildest dreams---and all areas of your life
too. You will become the person you have always wanted to be. MY
came true and so it can for you!.